Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Just another Wednesday...

After all the excitement of the past few days, today was delightfully uneventful.

Slept in, had breakfast, played around online, then Hubs and I went to see Burn After Reading so I could get out of the house a bit.

I keep calling it Burn Before Reading for some silly reason...can't wrap my head around the title. Huh. Strange.

Anyway, I'm actually quite tuckered today, so there's truly not much of anything to report. And even though I'm sure I could find something to blather on about, I just don't have much energy to blather, ya know?

So I hope you'll excuse me if I leave you with this uber brief installation of the diva dash due to pure fatigue and lack of an interesting life today.

Hopefully more will transpire tomorrow!

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Baby Mama?

Interesting title, I know. It works in two ways - one, because for the first time in, uh, ever, I have a real shot of being Hubs' baby mama. And two, because we just watched the movie of the same name.

I heart Tina Fey, truly I do. But given all we'd been through, this was one theatrical release that I had to forgo. If Knocked Up taught me anything, it was that seeing baby/pregnancy related flicks while being infertile is highly discouraged. Big time.


But today was the one day where I thought I could view this little baby bump of a film and actually be okay about it. And fortunately, I was right.

Yes, today was transfer day. Two beautiful, high grade blastocysts were delivered to the proverbial 'sweet spot' of my uterus at 11:03am. So sayeth my doctor, and boy am I inclined to believe him.

Two weeks from now we'll find out if it worked, but in the meantime I can float in this bliss bubble for a week at least, before I start peeing on things to see if I can get an early test result. And so I allowed Baby Mama into my bubble.

It was good, had some pretty laugh out loud moments, but the ending, as expected, was meh. But what could she do? Forced into a corner, she pumped out her Hollywood ending and there was much rejoicing. And I'm not giving anything away to those that have yet to see it, trust me.

Back to me as baby mama now. Hubs and I went out for dinner tonight thanks to some Outback steakhouse gift certificates CJ had given me for my birthday. We had a fantastic meal and chatted a lot about what our new future might mean, what changes to expect, what we were both excited and scared about.

At this point, quite frankly I'm most scared that I'm jinxing us by even having these conversations. That merely talking about it as something that could happen is enough to anger the universe that's been so cruel to us in the past. But for tonight, all second thoughts were shoved aside and there was meat to be ingested. All in all, a lovely evening.

So cross your fingers, toes, whathaveyou that little eenie and meenie (Hubs' names for our embryos) are snuggling in nice and tight to the cushy lining I've been busting my hump to keep plump for them since they were merely eggs and sperm. Only five days old and I'm already complaining about the work necessary to keep a roof over (and under) their heads.

I'm going to do my everything to think positively, to visualize this actually happening, to picture those embryos latching on, getting bigger day by day, and one day becoming the son or daughter we've craved all these years.

'Cause even if it's only for two weeks (or as long as my bliss bubble remains intact) I will always be baby mama to eenie and meenie. I'll always have that.

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

Monday, 22 September 2008

Annnnnd we're back.

Well hello my lovelies. I realize it's been a while...a long while. Much longer than I said I'd be. My bad. I do apologize. But hopefully once I fill you in on what's going on you'll be a bit more understanding.

So by now you of course know all too well our fertility challenges. You also know that we had started IVF just to get cancelled because I was oversuppressed and didn't respond to the medications properly. And that we were waiting to start again.

Well, start again we did. Around the middle of August, in fact. Started popping that birth control pill (yes, it is all part of the plan) and went about our merry way.

Being on the pill was pure hell. Mood swings, much higher and more severe than ever before - poor Hubs. Breakthrough bleeding for two plus weeks - nothing like things not going the way they're supposed to right from the get go. And acne - the absolute worst acne you could ever imagine. It was everywhere - my face, my heck, my chest....I looked like the president of the high school chess club. Not cool at all.

Coming off that was the best day, seriously. I celebrated like crazy when I took that last pill. Of course it took forever for things to finally wind down, but in the end I suppose it did its trick and we were well on our way.

I started my stimulation drugs at the conclusion of my sister in law's wedding. Literally. I stored them in the fridge behind the bar at the reception site. What an auspicious beginning!

The wedding went well, was beautiful, and I was relieved. I held the role of day of coordinator, so was running around like a crazy person all day. I was delighted to slip into bed that night, the drugs hard at work.

This time around things went much better. I responded to the drugs. Things that were supposed to grow, grew. Levels of hormones that were supposed to increase in my blood, increased. And before you knew it, we were ready for egg retrieval. We'd made it further than we'd ever gone before.

Around this time is when I kinda went blog silent. I was so tired from the drugs, so worn out from the not knowing what was coming next, so sick from yet another ear infection, so stressed about what to say and how to say it that I elected to just retreat from it all until I could figure things out.

Have I figured said things out? Nope, not necessarily, but I do have the relief of knowing that we're able to progress yet another few steps. They got a good number of eggs, most were mature, and a huge number of them fertilized. More than my wildest dreams, actually. And we find out tomorrow just how many are left as we jump over the final hurdle in the actual IVF process - the transfer.

Transfer is the easy part, really. What truly sucked ass was the retrieval. Yes, you're given drugs through an IV so you don't feel anything. But it sure doesn't improve your pain level when the nurse, obviously new to IV's, tries to put on in and blows your vein. You can imagine the huge bruise I have on my right forearm. Looks like Hubs was seriously pissed off at me one day!

Finally a more experienced bloodletter came along and slipped in the needle lickety split. I donned my lucky socks, grabbed the IV pole and we were off down the hall to the procedure room.

I don't think it's really necessary to go into all the truly gory details of what egg retrieval entails. Let's just all agree it's not much fun. A nasty means to an end. But they got what they went in for and that was good.

Recovery wasn't so good. First, because of the size of my ovaries and what they had to do, they told me to expect some gas pain and bloating. Uh, some? I'll have to get them to rewrite their post-op expectations for patients. I had no freakin idea a wee touch of gas could be so debilitating.

Add to that the constipation that resulted from the progesterone I was taking/making and I was a flipping bag of toys.

They'd given me percocet because they expected I'd have some extra pain due to how big my ovaries got. Sure enough, by the end of the day I was pretty danged sore, so I decided then was not the time to play hero, and I took one.

Big mistake. Big. Huge!

Percocet is not my friend. In addition to making me stoned, it also constipates. Yeah, just what I needed, more help in the bunging up department.

Friday morning I was feeling a bit better, so we made the decision to go to a friend's wedding in Ottawa. It truly was a game day decision, as I wasn't sure I'd be up to it. But I totally wanted to go, so we set off.

By Saturday, things weren't improving much. I got ready in the hotel in phases, taking a shower, curling up on the bed for a bit, doing my makeup, curling up on the get the picture.

We headed out to the burbs for the ceremony but managed to find a Shoppers so I could get some much needed Metamucil (actually, a tasteless, pasteless version thereof) into my system to see if that would help. Picture this - Hubs and I, all dressed up, sitting in our Kia in the parking lot of the Catholic church, me putting BeneFibre into a bottle of water and Hubs shaking it up while I wipe the excess white powder off my dress.

Quite the scene, I tell you. But boy did it feel good to actually think we might be making some progress.

The rest of the wedding was beautiful. A long time coming for my good friend the groom, and I was just so delighted that we could actually be there. I made it through 'til about 10:30, then it was back to the hotel for pass out time. But despite everything I'm glad I went.

Today I've just been resting, resting, resting. Sleeping for all that it's worth. Went over to my mother in law's new apartment and Hubs helped her put up some pictures and put some shelves together. It's great to see her back in civilization, able to do things for herself again. So much better than being in the middle of nowhere, where it was impossible for her to even go to get her own newspaper.

And tomorrow, tomorrow is transfer day. They're (hopefully) going to put in two wonderful embryos, and I'm going to wait for two weeks to see if it all worked.

And so it begins.

So there you have it! The update of all updates. I hope now you'll understand a bit better why I was so scatterbrained and not quite up to posting par over the past few days and weeks.

I'll be looking for plenty of distractions in the next two weeks, so look for posts on all sorts of wild and wacky stuff! For example, Sex and the City comes out on DVD tomorrow. Guess what this diva's present to herself will be for transfer day?

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

Tuesday, 9 September 2008


I wanna post.

I really do.

But I'm so tired, and I think I'm starting to get sick again.

Which means I'm royally pissed off, too.

My throat feels like it has a new flap affixed to the back. I'm not enjoying this sensation in the least.

Add to the mix a fever, having to get up stupid early in the morning to get to the clinic, and weird weather systems, and I'm a flipping bag of toys.

With no strength to post about a darned thing.

I have ideas o'plenty though, fret not. More than anything I want to write about my particular take on 90210. Hopefully I'll get to that one tomorrow. :)

But for now, bed calls.

Til next time!

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

Spotted in my sleep...

Okay, okay. I know it's been a looooong time since I posted. Apologies. It's been a rather crazy week and a half - mostly recovering from the notion that I'm now 35 years old. Hehe - yeah, that's it.

Nah, it's been nuts doing a thousand gagillion different things for different people. My sister in law is getting married on Saturday, so I've been filling in in the role of wedding planner. I also offered to purchase and assemble the fixin's that now make up the favours, so my free time has found me cross eyed, cutting small strands of ribbon, tying them to tiny jars, sticking on labels, and just today, dumping in the yummy candy that will be consumed by the nuptial-witnessing masses in a few short days.

I see jelly beans in my sleep.

I've also taken on the role of jewelry pimp for my mother in law. You'll hopefully remember my post from a few weeks back that discussed her handiwork. Well, she's surprisingly prolific, and has now made more than 300 sets of necklaces and earrings.

300. Insane!

Since I've got a plethora of her creations in my personal collection, I wear them to work quite often and get many the comment. So much so, that co-workers asked me to bring in some of her wares for their perusal and, perhaps, purchase.

In preparation for said sale, she came over on Sunday and we went through everything. I selected 140 sets to take to work with me, and we set to pricing and labeling each individual piece.

I see jelly beans and beads in my sleep.

The fantastic news is that in just over an hour, I was able to sell over 30 sets and net her more than $500! Not too shabby! And there are still many a person interested in perusing my large pink bag of treats - now delightfully lighter than it was on the way into work on Tuesday!

Talk about your win win situation - she's making some extra income, people are able to get wonderful, one of a kind pieces, some even starting their Christmas shopping, and she's decided to donate 10% of the proceeds to the charity I work for.

I love it when a plan comes together.

Monday Hubs and I truly wanted to do anything but Labour, so we hung out in our pj's until 2 and watched a movie together. As much as I was enjoying our pure flakieness, the insane mess of weeds in the backyard was calling to me, so I set out on a mission to remove the offending growths.

So yeah. I don't 'garden' per se. Actually, ever. That's my sister in law's department. We have a lovely front garden, and I have a pair of gardening gloves...that she bought I was at least protected from Nettle Forest when I went to destroy the evil bitches.

Um, pulling mega weeds is serious work. Who needs the gym? I was in target heart rate the entire time! And my hands - I could barely pick up the soap to have my well deserved shower once it was all done! Ugh.

I see jelly beans and beads and weeds in my sleep.

But the worst side effect of all is the excruciating and apparently never ending pain in my hamstrings. Do you have any idea how long it takes me to go from a sitting to a standing position, or vice versa? I feel like I'm twice my already advanced age! Sheesh.

I kinda want to just soak in our big tub but I'm truly afraid that I won't have the leg strength to get myself out once I'm in!

So that's a brief recap of what's keep me insanely busy these days. Is it the weekend yet?

To top everything off, I'm hopped up on all sorts of hormones again. I just finished a course of the birth control pill (all part of the process, as strange as it sounds) and can I just say how much I hate the damned side effects this time around? Marvelon is not my friend at all!

The roller coaster emotions are one thing. It's the freakin breakouts that I can't handle.

I've generally been pretty lucky to have decent skin. Now? I look like the 10th grade president of the chess team. Seriously....I look like I have the chicken pox, I have so many spots. All over my chest, up both sides of my neck and face, everywhere! I've seriously never been this self-conscious in all my life! I'm totally hating it. I can't WAIT to get some clear skin back. I have a whole new respect for all the kids in those ProActiv commercials now. Sigh.

I see jelly beans and beads and weeds and spots in my sleep.

Ah, sleep. Sounds like a really good idea, no?


And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?




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