Third time, she ain't no charm

Howdy y'all.

I'm tired today. My eyes are puffy since I did me a good deal o' cryin'. With all we've been through, I figure I'm about due a sad country song all my own. Guess that's where the twang comes from. The title of my song? Third time, she ain't no charm. It's got number 1 written all over it, ain't it?

Yep, IUI #3 failed. Officially. Nail in the coffin of my last chance to have a baby before I'm 35.

How much fun is it to be around me today?

Sigh...

Actually, I knew it was coming, so it wasn't as bad as it's been in the past when my little friend hope was actually in the picture. I had almost none of it this time which meant I didn't have as far to fall.

Then I got on the phone with my fertility clinic, and thus began what will go down in the annals of history as the shitstorm of December 10.

So. I knew I was taking a break this cycle. I would normally go for the IUI on day 15. Today is day 1. Today is December 10. So add 15 days to December 10 and it's not rocket surgery to determine there will be no IUI on December 25th. Okay, fine.

BUT...I now officially hate my clinic. I'm leaving. I've had enough.

So yes. Taking a break this cycle. My choice. Good. I still wanted to do day 3 monitoring so I could check on my cyst. When the nurse called with my beta result (negative, of course) and to book the appointment she said okay, and we booked.

Then she called back and said she's canceled my appointment because I won't be doing a cycle and since it's not full cycle monitoring, they can't bill OHIP for the bloodwork and ultrasound. I'm supposed to call back on day 1 of my next cycle in January and they'll check for the cyst then, aspirate then if they have to.



The whole point of this being a rest cycle (in my mind anyway) was to get rid of the cyst and let my body rest, cyst free. So my hormones could take a breather, and all should be better so we can move on in January.

Nope. They won't do it.

Then get this. She told me I should relax for the holidays and give my body a rest from all the hormones. That being relaxed will help me get pregnant. That I'm still young and have lots of time. And have I tried anything else? Like acupuncture? That a rest is good and I should investigate and learn about every option available to me.



Condescending much? Now I realize that this may sound like sage advice to those of you reading right now who are not facing/have not faced fertility challenges. But let me assure you - the things she said to me pretty much round out the top five most annoying things you can say to a person experiencing infertility. Take notes. Remember these words. And NEVER utter them to a friend or family member who's having trouble conceiving. You have no idea how much it will be appreciated.

Yes, I lost it. I told her that if they have actually convinced themselves that they're thinking about what's in the patient's best interests, they're sadly mistaken. And you know what she said? Since you've been so unhappy here, maybe you need to look for a new clinic. I know this is convenient because you work in the building, but maybe you need to go somewhere else.



Trouble is - she's so right. It just took me this long to see it.

Why would I stay there when they treat me like crap? And I pay for the fun of it all? I think location be damned...it's time to try somewhere new. I told her I was astounded that she'd actually suggest that, that her supervisors probably wouldn't be too happy to hear her saying such things. I also explained that there are some serious patient satisfaction issues there, and that I'm not the only one who is dissatisfied and considering leaving. I told her that they have a long way to go in improving things, and I wasn't going to be their guinea pig any longer. I've emailed a colleague and asked her for another suggestion. I'm ready to get the hell outta there.

Sigh.

As if having Aunt Flo show up (early) on my doorstep wasn't bad enough. Now I have to deal with another month of uncertainty and no progress.

And have I mentioned this was my last chance to have a baby before I turn 35? One more milestone crossed. Lucky me.

So that was my shit-astic day in a nutshell. The good news is that it's over and done with, and I'm starting to feel a sense of calm about a new beginning. It'll suck to lose the convenience, but it will rock to get some of my emotional stability back.

Hell yeah.

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?