Welcome to 2009

Well hellooooooooo there. Long time no see.

Much has happened since my last foray into blogworld, that's for sure. As always I apologize for my lengthy absence, but I think taking a break from many facets of my life, including reporting even the most minute of details of said life here in me blog, was a good thing.

Yes, as Martha Stewart would say, it was a good thing.

So, uh, hope you had a great holiday, and Happy New Year! I delighted in having almost two weeks off work, and while I love it, am lamenting my return on Monday. I could still use more time! I'm sure I'm not alone here, yes? And of course I have absolutely nothing to complain about, seeing as I had two full weeks off. So I guess I'll quit while I'm ahead.

Not that I can actually complain at all in the work department. December was a good month for me - I confirmed two $2 million donations and a $12.5 million gift. I was deliriously happy at this progress, and am so thankful to these wonderful families that are doing truly transformational things. But even so, I was quite content to get away from it all and just relax for the holidays.

We had a lovely Christmas at my sister's house in Waterloo. They're wonderful people, always so hospitable and kind, and their home is warm and inviting. A great place to relax with family and enjoy the furor that is the holidays in our family. Especially when my nephew's birthday happens to fall on Christmas Eve!

There were presents galore for the four kids, and much good food and laughter. All in all, a nice, albeit quick, Christmas trip.

After the presents were open and we had gorged on breakfast, we packed up the car and headed back east to Brampton and my sister in law's home for dinner. Another lovely meal, much frivolity, an incident involving stuffing being flung into a wine glass...you get the picture.

And then, a few hours later, we were home. The flurry of activity that was the past few weeks caught up with us, and we slept for something insane like 13 hours straight. A record, if you ask me.

Emotionally I also fared reasonably well, all things considered. I only had two meltdowns, a number I'm actually rather pleased about. I had no idea how the holidays would impact me, if finally being able to stop and rest (yeah, that whole two and a half days off work post miscarriage really doesn't promote much in the way of emotional healing) would allow the floodgates to open and the damns to break. So all in all, I feel rather okay about how I made it through.

The first came on our way to Waterloo. We'd decided to take the 407 and were listening to Mariah Carey's Christmas album at the time. I was in good spirits - had my Tims in my hand, was on vacation, had presents galore in the car, and was singing along. Then her song "I Miss You Most At Christmastime" came on. No big whoop. All is fine.

Until we pass the exit we took to get to the hospital the night of the miscarriage.

Yeah, not a good combination if you ask me.

It was the first time we'd travelled that road since it had happened. And everything came rushing back to me. The song lyrics stuck out in a way they never had before. And the tears.just.came. Bang.

Of course I couldn't react, couldn't do anything, couldn't let on, because DeeDee was sitting in the back seat. And she has no idea that any of this has even gone down, so quiet sobs were the order of the day.

Fortunately I was able to change the song on the CD and just cry it out of my system quickly. And then it was on to the next carol.

The second came Christmas Eve just after dinner. We'd finished eating and cleaning, and were all just getting ready to sit and digest the mountain of food we'd just demolished. My dad and brother in law were in the living room chatting, and the television was on in the background. Their main level is quite open, so you can hear the tv from pretty much anywhere.

And just as I was chatting with my mom and sister, it came on tv. The Pamper's commercial, the one where a woman is quietly singing Silent Night as they show pictures of beautiful sleeping babies. Instant tears.

For some reason, this one gets me going like nothing else on earth. It's practically Pavlovian. I think it's worse, because the night of (or the day after, who can remember) the miscarriage, Hubs and I were lying in bed getting ready to sleep and it came on. I begged him to turn the sound off, the tv off, anything...and ever since I've done the same any time I've stumbled upon it on tv. And ever since, Hubs has been on remote control duty to just make it stop.

Sure enough, Hubs is in the other room and is chatting with my sister, so doesn't realize it's come on. The tv is too far away for me to do anything, so I immediately just leave the room, cower in a corner, and burst into tears, trying not to make a spectacle of myself. My mom and sister come over and try to comfort me as best as they can, then finally poor Hubs realizes what's happened and poor guy, feels like shit because he didn't hear it, couldn't stop it, couldn't protect me.

Have I mentioned lately how fantastically sweet and protective of me he is?

As with the first incidence it came on fast and dissipated just as quickly (thankfully) and I could get on with the evening. But all things considered, I certainly could have done without tears on Christmas Eve.

The week between Christmas and New Years passed insanely quickly. We did some cleaning, some baking, lots of sleeping. We hosted my younger sisters for dinner one night which was great - we don't often have the chance to get together and chat, especially without our mutual parent (Dad) around, so that was quite cool.

Then, thanks to the generosity of my fabulous sister in law (who now lives with us, btw - another new but wonderful in every way development) and my good friend Ami bringing the sweet deal to my attention, Hubs and I spent a night in Niagara Falls in a huge king bed, two person whirlpool suite. We walked down Clifton Hill, got some fudge from our fave shop, made our donation to the casino, had a super yummy steak dinner at the Keg, then...well, the rest is none of your bidness, right? :) But suffice it to say, it was the mini-break from real life that we both so desperately needed. Time away from everything to just relax, be, and enjoy each other.

Many times.

Ahem.

So yeah, where are we now? Oh yes, New Years.

I love New Year's Eve. One of my fave holidays of the entire year. It's entire raison d'etre is to celebrate. Party. Countdown. Drink champagne and, if you're lucky, eat yummy cheeses.

We were very lucky.

Our delightful and gracious hostess Nat took very good care of us in all of these departments. There had to be at least 7 kinds of cheese.

It was good.

It was lovely to just hang out with friends, eat good food, laugh, kick some Guitar Hero ass, and welcome in 2009 with a more-than-mild buzz and some pink champagne in my glass. Many of us were glad to bid adieu to the year that was, which just made the celebrations all that much heartier. A good time was had by all, and I can't thank Nat and her hubby enough for hosting us. :)

New Year's Day we hosted Hubs' family here for dinner. His mom made her patented Swiss Steak at home then Hubs picked her and the dinner up mid afternoon. The food was great! What isn't so great is that a not insignificant portion of it sloshed out from the pan onto the passenger side floor mats of our Kia, leaving behind a pool of meat juice.

We now drive around in a meatmobile.

Ugh - it stinks. I have no idea how we're going to get the stank outta things. And this is WITH the mat being out of the car. Any suggestions? Dear Heloise, how do you get the stink of beef of of your floormats? Sigh.

And here we are, caught up to today. Friday, January 2. The last non-working work day before I head back.

Hubs and I decided to take advantage of a Cineplex gift card we were kindly given for Christmas and head out to see Marley & Me. Remind me never to go to an afternoon showing of a movie when kids still aren't back in school ever again. Ugh.

Hubs and the white trash daddy behind us nearly came to blows at one point. Never a dull moment! Apparently daddy, his wife and his two smallish kids obviously thought they were still in their own living room while watching the movie. They talked at pretty much full voice, but what made me mental was the girl rustling her popcorn bag. Normally wouldn't be a big deal, but it was a bag of MICROWAVE popcorn they'd brought from home. You know how much noise those things make? Now put that in with a quiet movie and it's as annoying as hell.

So I kept doing my glance-over-the-shoulder-with-a-stern-look thing and the kid says, 'why is that woman looking at me?'
Mom, full voice: that woman keeps looking at her!
Me: yes, you're making a lot of noise, please be quiet
Mom: she's only eating popcorn!
Me: and talking
Daddy and all three of his teeth: ahhhh shuddup
Me, fuming: no, YOU shut up, that was my point

and I went back to watching the movie.

20 or so seconds later, Hubs leans in and asks me if the guy told me to shut up. I nodded, but told him to just leave it alone. Then they got into a nice staring contest after the movie was over and I think the guy realized it likely wasn't a good idea to say anything more. So he walked away.

Silly boys. Mine is rather protective.

Double sigh.

Now it's 11pm and I'm tired. But thankfully I still have the weekend to start getting back into a working/commuting head space and to kick back and relax a little bit longer. The house is clean, the decorations are down and put away, order is coming back to my life.

Come Monday we'll get back to a good routine of eating better and going back to the gym so I can feel like I'm doing something good again for my physical (and, by extension, mental) health. Then Tuesday morning it's back to the fertility clinic as we get ready to try this whole let's get pregnant thing all over again.

So here's to 2009. May it bring us all prosperity, health, happiness, and the things we desire most out of life. May it be better than the last in every way that matters. And most of all, here's to surviving 2008, to living to envision and hopefully experience a better year to come.

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?