Monday, 3 September 2007

When tempers flare...

...what the fuck to you do? Seriously, I'm looking for real advice here. How do you calm yourself down after your blood boils, you're ready to 'spit nails' as mom would say, and you can't do anything about it?

Argh....yes, Sludge has reared her ugly head yet again. I think I wrote a while back about her working on becoming a Jehovah's Witness. I'll reiterate here again that people's religious choices are their own and I'm not trying to put anyone or any group of people down here. Disclaimer made, on I go. Hubs had investigated the whole thing on numerous occasions and decided it wasn't for him. Fine. Now Sludge is back into it, and that's fine in and of itself - but she's dragging DeeDee along with her.

Normally that wouldn't be an issue, but the problem is that Hubs is dead set against his daughter being indoctrinated into any religion before she's old enough to make her own decisions. He's spoken to Sludge about this, made it quite clear to her that this is something he feels very strongly about.

Well, as with so many other things, she's doing it anyway. Even though she's now lied to Hubs about it, she's taken DeeDee to meetings and had her involved in home study programs. Hubs hit the flippin roof.

The other thing he was totally against was Sludge streaking DeeDee's hair again. She's got dark brown hair, and months ago she stuck in blond chunks. It looked ridiculous. It has finally grown out - with the next hair cut it would all be gone. Hubs was relieved. So of course, Sludge went out and did it again. Only this time it's even worse. Hubs freaked out again.

I think this time we're finally at the straw that broke the camel's back phase. He's agreed to call a lawyer and make an appointment to see where he stands legally where custody is concerned. And I, for one, couldn't be happier.

He needs to know what his options are, how strong his case is, and what he has to do from here on out to stop the madness. 'Cause I just can't take much more of this. Seriously.

Every time they're on the phone together, I want to scream in the background, grab the phone, tell her what a completely unreasonable idiot she's being. Hence the boiling blood, the unresolved anger, the increased heart rate, the fury that burns in the belly. And let me just say - considering what we're working so hard to get into my belly, there isn't any room for extra stress or fury, ya know what I mean? Stress definitely bad for the whole baby making enterprise.

I'm glad to see him finally take the bull by the horns to hopefully see some forward momentum. Anything has to be better than this.

Thankfully I've had a few hours to settle down since we got home from dropping off DeeDee today. And no, it wasn't our weekend, but since Sludge had promised to take DeeDee to the Ex and felt sick yesterday - with a toothache - when DeeDee called and asked if her dad would take her so she wouldn't miss out, he went and got her so they could go. Despite the fact that he and I had just been to the same said Ex on Saturday. I sat in the car and waited for Hubs to finish arguing with Sludge outside their front door. How very trailer park that there's not a single place in that train wreck of a semi-detached home in which they can have a private conversation. Nope - they have to resort to a front-lawn argument.

I had accompanied Hubs on the trek (and I do mean trek - it's over 90kms and about an hour each way) to keep him company, so I got to sit there in the car while they bantered, alternating between their stimulating conversation and reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I honestly stuck to the book more because just sitting there listening got the ole blood right onto the front burner. And there was nothing I could say back, so I jumped to the conclusion that reading a book would be less mentally taxing than listening to her.

Because she seriously does say some of the craziest, when Hubs mentioned something about religion and told her to read the bible she said, "I am reading the bible - I'm on Genesis!" You should have heard the pride in her voice!! Uh, well, goodie. There's kinda nothing before Genesis, smarty pants. Good on ya! You're my fuckin hero. Sigh.

Man, even though I've calmed down a bit, even thinking about it again makes me twitchy. So I bring us back to the first question posed in this post: what do you do to calm down when you just get so flipping

If only I could act like Marvin the Martian. He just blew things up. Cool. I've always envied that about him.

But of course, I need to act less like Marvin the Martian and more like Diva the Better Person in this equation. That doesn't mean it sucks any less, so all anti-rage advice and anger reduction strategies would be greatly appreciated!

All this manufactured rage does indeed take its toll, so I will bid you a fond goodnight, and eagerly await your responses in the morning. Happy back to school day! Like my backpack? :)

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

8 comments on "When tempers flare..."

Shoe_Gal said...

I, too, have felt the burning fury in the belly. Poor Hubs and Dee Dee (and you for having to listen). Stay strong for Hubs and I hope he gets some answers from the lawyer. Dee Dee is at a very vulnerable age...shame on Sludge.

I love the backpack. :-)

celtic_kitten on 4 September 2007 at 11:21 said...

Aw jeez! I hope Hubs gets some satisfactory answers from the lawyer. Poor Dee Dee :(

And poor Diva, 'cuz you sure as all heck don't need this kind of stress!

Anger Management tips from the life book of celtic_kitten:

- take up a hobby... a hobby that involves being elsewhere is best (e.g. nature photography)... a hobby that involves breaking things or satisfying noises of destruction (e.g. billiards or videogames that involve breaking stuff or killing stuff) are a valid back-up. Avoidance and distraction work wonders... if avoidance and distraction aren't options, working out the frustrations on something other than someone's face is a preferable alternative.

- 30 minutes (or longer) of sequestered "alone time"... take a drive, take a walk, take a hike (oh no, wait... that's the advice for Sludge... never mind that last one)... take a long luxurious bubble-bath (watch the water temp, though... it's bad for the other project if you raise your core temp! ;) )

- write. Pen and paper. Word Processor journal. blog (although, blogging requires a certain element of self-censorship that can impede the impact of this option). I find when I'm really mad and can't get to a pool table or PS2 (for a nice dose of Ratchet & Clank... jeuvenille, but breaking boxes and killing alien beasties is just so satisfying), I need to vent it. And if my dear sweet hubby isn't there to pretend to listen to me, I write. Sometimes it's just verbal spew. Sometimes it's journal entries that I may or may not end up posting in the blog. Sometimes it's letters to the people or places that tick me off. Most of them don't get sent, but it sure is cathartic to write them ;)

-Carbs. These are an absolute last resort because if I carb load when I'm peeved, I carb load with a vengance, and that's just downright dangerous (both for the health of me, and the health of my wallet!)

This, of course, coming from someone with the stereotypical "Irish Temper"... it burns bright and hot, but generally fades quickly... well, except for when it simmers into a generation-spanning grudge ;)

celtic_kitten on 4 September 2007 at 11:21 said...

Heh... sorry for the novel... I'm having a day ;)

Anonymous said...

I don't understand why you got so mad at her for saying that she was reading the bible and she was on Genesis? She is just a kid, it's not her fault that her mom is being stupid. It sounds like you have a lot of pent up anger towards DeeDee (she's your fuckin hero?), and that needs to be redirected I think.

When I get annoyed or tempermental, I just try to laugh. Honestly, I realize what a small thing I am getting upset about and then just try and laugh it off. It works most of the time!

divajen on 4 September 2007 at 15:22 said...

Ah, how I love the anonymous comment. :)

Anyway, I will clarify and state that I was never talking about DeeDee - it was Sludge who was talking about reading the bible and being on Genesis. I would never sarcastically say that DeeDee is my fuckin hero...if you re-read, you should see that I was referencing Sludge.

And I wouldn't fault DeeDee for her mother's stupidity. Just not my style.

Anonymous said...

A different anonymous poster here...
I completely understand your frustrations in dealing with the ex.
Religious choices are just that, and Dee Dee is old enough to make her own decisions and not have a certain religion crammed down her throat.
I hope your hub's lawyer suggests the Office of the Children's Lawyer; it is FREE and a social worker will be assigned to assess the situation.
The big issue I have with JW's is their refusal for life-saving tx (ie blood transfusions). I believe Children's Aid gets called in by the hospital staff when faced with this problem.
Maybe give Children's Aid an anonymous phone call and ask their advice. It certainly wouldn't hurt, and they may end up getting involved with your concerns about Sludge.
As for your stress relief, how about pulling weeds fiercely out of the ground and picturing her head on them? Works for me!
Hope we get an update, I feel really bad for you and hubs!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous #1 here - I looked back at your entry quite a few times before posting what I did. I really didn't think that you would talk about DeeDee that way, so that is why I was so surprised! Anyway, I am relieved that you were talking about Sludge, and hope that everything works out. I can't even imagine how frusterating that situation must be. Take care, hope I didn't cause offence. You always seem to be the type of lady who welcomes all opinions!! said...

It's a very challenging situation, mostly wrapped up in that you are utterly powerless. You can support Hubs, and you can support DeeDee but you can have no effect on the person you want to, and that's Sludge. I have similar issues with my hubby and is ex. I support hubby till the cows come home, and when the ex comes up I breathe deep and just support hubby some more. If he had his way, all would be well and there would be no issues with the ex. Anger, while justly felt just makes you feel more powerless. If Hubs wants DeeDee to make informed choices about her religious practices, explore them with her and Hubs, and help her to keep an open mind. It would appear from the religious choices and the hair choices that Sludge delights in irritating Hubs, and as a biproduct you. As the Diva you are, don't give her the satisfaction.




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