Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Perspective is everything

Everyone needs a good coping strategy.

When the shit hits the fan, some people bury their heads in the sand and just avoid avoid avoid.

Others lash out at whoever is closest - burn bright, but burn out fast.

And some internalize everything, every little piece, until they build and build and build and the slightest thing knocks down the entire precarious pile.

Me? I can be a combination of all three, despite my best intentions. I try not to avoid - I'd much rather deal with things and be able to move on. I sometimes burn bright, then feel badly for anyone unfortunate enough to find themselves in my scorching radius. And at times I do let things build, but more often than not I'm able to scatter the pieces so they never actually tumble down.

In my almost 35 years on this planet, I've evolved in how I deal with things. I went through a very angry, sense-of-entitlement phase. I like to think that I've moved through that and am in a much better place.

But I'm the first to admit, some days are better than others.

With all of the insanity that has rolled into my life in the past little while, I've decided that neither avoidance, flashes of temper nor tumbling bricks fit the bill anymore. Instead, I've simply turned to perspective.

Allow me to explain.

No matter how bad your life gets, someone else has it worse.

That's what I mean by perspective.

Seems kinda strange that I can feel better by simply thinking about other people who are going through even worse crap than I am, but I choose, yes actively choose, to see the positives in even the nastiest times of my life.

'Cause let's face it - it could always, always, always be worse.

Some days are harder than others. Some days I get sucked into my own void and it takes every kernel of strength and positive energy I may have buried deep inside to pull myself out of the funk du jour.

But strange as it sounds, I take 'comfort' in the knowledge that someone else has it worse.

Every time I get distraught/angry/frustrated/depressed/insert appropriate emotion here about our fertility challenges, for example, I remind myself of the fact that I have a wonderful husband, a fantastic job, and a great home. Then I remember how I used to be when I was single...how alone I felt, how desperately sad, how badly I craved someone to share my life with.

And so when the going gets tough, I tell myself that there are people out there, lots and lots of them, that read my blog or are in my life and think, 'oh yeah? You can't get pregnant? Well at least you have someone to share your life with. I still haven't found that person.'

And strangely enough, it helps. Focusing on the good in my life really does make me feel better, as challenging as it may be in the moment.

What I try to stay away from is the flip side of this coin - if someone else has it worse than me, I may very well be someone else's worse. Ya know? All those pregnant women who are dealing with morning sickness or cankles...maybe they look at me and think, 'geez...I've got nothing to complain about...at least I CAN get pregnant and WILL have a baby.'

Yin meets yang. Balance in the universe. And all things unfold as they should.

It's been a rough few days. Hubs and I have had some very serious talks about where we're going on this whole fertility journey and it's been hard. We're eeking ever closer to this whole IVF thing and it's really starting to hit us both...it's real. It's going to happen. And I want to puke.

But every time I need strength, I remember this too shall pass. This is not the end of the world. I remember where I work - a cancer hospital - and am grateful for all of the good things in my/our lives. And somehow, I get through.

This is not at all the post I was going to write tonight, but I think I needed to be reminded of my own perspective philosophy given the past few days. And strangely enough, that reminder came via a post on an internet forum that I happened to click on.

It was a post about another blog, one I'd never heard of. There was a bit of a disclaimer...lychee, forgive me for quoting you, but you said it perfectly:

Don't read this blog if you want to read only about happy, sunny things. Its a blog about life and death, endless happiness and bottomless sorrow. Its going to make you cry, but it will also touch your heart.

I paused. Did I really want to read about bottomless sorrow when I was pretty deep down myself? Endless happiness? Hells yeah! Sorrow I've had enough of.

But I clicked anyway. Maybe it was because I needed my daily dose of perspective. And boy, did I get it in spades.

So the next time you're feeling sorry for yourself and you're in need of emotional rescue (do you have that song in your head now?) remember - perspective is everything.

Things could always be worse.

And for someone else, they are.

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doing?

If you're up for it, here's the blog: http://www.mattlogelin.com/if-you-havent-been-here-before/

2 comments on "Perspective is everything"

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting that blog, and for your entry. It was just the butt kick I needed to realize some stuff. It's truly all about the perspective! I feel really bad for that guy. What a horrible situation. I've been stressing about wedding stuff (some pretty major stuff but still) and at this moment is seems so inconsequential...

grimeysgal on 8 May 2008 at 15:32 said...

Everything you wrote is oh so true...




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