The diva recommends...

Well hello, ladies and gents. Sorry it's been a while since I've posted, but I've had a busy few days. Lots going on, lots and lots and lots, so I think that for tonight's post, instead of giving you a play by play of four whole days, I'll simply give you some insight to things I've enjoyed during that time period. Do with these what you will and remember, the opinions expressed here are mine and do not necessarily reflect those of the general, non-diva public. Readers' discretion is advised. :)

Excellent rental:
Gray Matters. Newish release, available at your local Blockbuster, this wee gem really entertained this evening. Maybe because I had no expectations and kinda thought it would suck. How, therefore, could it be bad? Heather Graham, Tom Cavanaugh, Molly Shannon, and the chick who played Jon Cusiak's fiance in Serendipity. A great NYC-based flick. Made me want to go back. Hubs dug it too. Maybe because there's some girl on girl action? Nah, he liked it for the plot.

Sassy-as-fuck new digital camera:
The Casio something. Yeah, let's be serious - like I really care about the name of the camera - it's flipping pink! And came in a sassy bundle (see photo) with sweet leather case (with pink stitching!!).

Isn't she gorgeous? Sorry I have to show you the picture of the box and all its contents, but the one thing it's hard to take a picture of with your new camera is...your new camera.

Such is my dilemma.


Fabulously yummy birthday cakes:
Real Canadian Superstore, hands down. Especially for a 10 year old's birthday party. Especially when that 10 year old wants a Spongebob Squarepants cake. Awesome air brushing technique. Oh how far we've come since the birthday cakes of our day. And did I mention the super cool slinky-like toys that came on the top? Oh hell yeah. Good stuff.

Around these parts, we judge a cake by the grit of the icing. In Hubs' mind, the grittier the better - and Superstore never fails to deliver. Rock on Superstore...rock on.

For all your landscaping needs:
On second thought, nothing much you can really do here unless you find a way to make my sister in law your sister in law. I know I've raved about her here time and time again, but she deserves yet another shout out for all the work she's done here (she and her trust pickax) over the past few days. The garden is going to look fanfuckintastic when she's all done with it! She rocks!!

Summer blockbuster flick:
If you're a fan like I am, you've probably already seen The Simpsons Movie. You've watched the show since the beginning and giggled like a school girl who says titmouse when you saw they were making a movie from it. You counted down until July 27th, and made sure to see it opening weekend. You liked it, didn't love it, but enjoyed the experience. You say Boo-urns to those that pooh pooh the film, and would do anything to have a spider pig of your own. To you my brothers and sisters, I say hi-diddlyli-ho neighbour. Long may The Simpsons reign.


Guilty summer pleasure:
Again, I've written about it before, but I do so enjoy my Big Brother. I think CBS was BRILLIANT in its decision to show one of its thrice weekly episodes on Sunday night. Now I finally have something to look forward to on Sunday evening, the time slot generally reserved for feelings of woe and general dread of the week to come. Again, I love my job, but I still hate Mondays. I surely don't think I'm alone in that!

Well that's a bit of a snapshot of the things I enjoyed/procured/devoured this weekend. I was going to do a whole things-I-didn't-like-this-weekend section but hey, why not leave things on a happy note?

And here is said happy note - congrats to Tatiana for surviving her 24 hour Blogathon. She made 49 blog posts in 24 hours, pretty damned impressive, and raised $376.94, well over her $200 goal. Good on ya, missie!

Hope you enjoyed my picks of the weekend!!!

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

Ah, the joys of turning 10

Not me, of course. I traversed that barrier almost 24 years ago, for pete's sake. Nope, I'm talking about DeeDee. She hit the double digits today, so it was a pretty big day in our world.

Sludge had to work tonight, so it actually worked out rather peacefully this year for a change. Last year was a nightmare - she didn't want us or Hubs anywhere near her, so it was a huge fight, and unfortunately, as is all too often the case, Hubs lost.

We've got her this weekend so we'll be having her party on Saturday, but because Sludge is working, he was able to pick her up tonight so we could take her out for dinner, give her her main present, etc. So off we trucked to Montana's where we feasted on ribs and such, then they slammed that insane moose head helmet thing onto her melon, sang a silly song, and I thought she was going to shrink under the table. Hilarious.

When we made it back to the house, she opened up a present from me - a paint and bake your own pottery set - and two from her dad. The look on her face as she realized she actually got the iPod nano she's been asking for for years was absolutely priceless. Hubs was beaming, and she couldn't stop saying, 'oh mi god, oh mi god'. The giggles were contagious, and she's been sitting on the couch listening to her tunes (Hubs pre-loaded it with all of her faves - what a great guy) ever since. Well, she took a break to watch Big Brother with us, but she's back at it now...especially since she discovered that she can play games on the silly thing at the same time.

She is one happy kid, exactly how she should be on her tenth birthday.

Rest of the day today was good. Busy but productive day at work, excellent (for once!) doctor's appointment with my main fertility doc (she says I'm responding to the meds as I should, so we'll continue along and hope for the best), and I indulged in a pack of Skittles around 2pm, so I enjoyed a bit of a sugar high mid-afternoon. Yee haw!

That's pretty much it. The emphasis has really been on DeeDee, and she was happy, therefore it was a good day. Lovely.

In non tenth birthday related news, I wanted to take this opportunity to direct your attention to another corner of the blogging universe. Fellow WBer Lady Tatiana has a blog of her own (http://www.xanga.com/Luv_Monkee), and this Saturday she's participating in the 24 hour Blog-a-thon. Basically she's going to post a new entry every half hour for 24 hours...holy crap! Pretty impressive, eh?

The cool thing is that the organizers have made this into a charity event, and Tatiana is blogging for The Princess Margaret Hospital Foundation (as some of you know, a cause very near and dear to my heart) in honour of Sarah, another WBer who lost her battle to melanoma a few weeks ago.

So if you like glimpses into other people's lives via their blogs (and I'm suspecting this is you since you're here and all), this is definitely one to check out this Saturday. And hey, if you're feeling charitable, support her efforts and make a donation to cancer research. You'll get a tax receipt and the warm, fuzzy feeling that comes from doing something good. Go Tatiana go!!

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

Finally - a successful craft project!

So if you've been reading for a while, you've heard (and not yet seen - I can't quite bring myself to photograph it) about my attempts at craftiness. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. Last time I think it was a tie - not sure if the universe or I came up on top with my bedroom canvas project.

It still hangs there, oh yes it does, but only because we've still yet to find the 'perfect' piece of art to go above our bed. So each time I enter the bedroom I revel in the mediocrity of mine own hands, a superbly average painting that could, without a doubt, be replicated by any simian (aka monkey) on earth. My talent knows no bounds.

But today, my friends, today the tides have turned. The shoe is indeed on the other foot. I have created something worthy of public display. Nay, SOLELY for public display. How's that for artisan's pride?

The backstory - I don't really care for the outside appearance of our home. I don't hate it, not really, but there are soooo many other houses, on our street even, that I like the look of much better. Ours is browns and beiges. If you know anything about me, if you've gleaned one kernel of insight into my twisted psyche, you KNOW that nothing in my world is browns and beiges. Yet here I am, living smack dab inside a beautiful home - that's all wrapped up in browns and beiges.

Fortunately I don't spend a lot of time gazing at the outside of my house, so I don't dwell on this too much. Yes - in time we may paint the garage door and the front door, the pillars on the sides, but for now, I make due with what we've got and attempt to punch the place up with some bright pink hanging baskets and a planter box here and there. So far, so good.

Back to the task at hand. For months, I've wanted to put something nice on the front door. Eons ago we'd found a cutesy little Welcome sign at Homesense. Very spring looking (which I was craving in March/April) and inviting - all good things for one's front door.

It's been there since we got it, those many eons ago. It was okay for a while, but now, every time I come home I want to pick all those super cheery flowers off the danged thing. Too sickly sweet at this point, like too many Splenda's in my latte. Not a good thing.

I've seen a lot of those wreaths made of berry looking things (what a cunning linguist I am - berry looking things - sigh), but have never found one that's quite right for our place. So I decided to throw caution to the wind and make my own, dammit. I bought the wreath frame and the berry looking things in yellow, dark pink and green, some yellow ribbon, and off we went.

Of course the stuff all sat in a bag for a few days, but I did finally get around to it tonight.

And I did a fan-freakin-tastic good job, if I can be so bold as to say that. Allow me to show you of what I speak. Here's the door with the Splenda overload piece that's now gone:


And now here's the door, replete with wreathy goodness!!

Uh yeah, you can't really even see it all that well here, but you get the general gist, yes? Goes quite nicely with the general beige and brownness of the place, but gives it a splash of colour. I'm damned proud of myself, I tell you whut. Well done, me!

And here's one more photo just 'cause I like the look of it soooooo much: :)


Ah. So pretty. So proud. It's about time a project actually turned out the way I had envisioned in my crazy brain. About time.

So this is what I've been up to over the past few hours. Nothing much else to report, really. I'm trying to do whatever I can to keep my mind off more of this baby making bidness - I have a follow up appointment with my fertility doc tomorrow - and so far it's worked pretty darned well.

And now look at the time. Bed calls (it's almost 11, despite what the time stamp on the post says) and I am right there, ready to answer.

Hope you all have a lovely night, and I thank you for allowing me my boastful moment of self indulgence - complete with photos!! Hehe.

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

Not much to report today

Yep, just an ordinary Monday. Ho hum. I busted my ass to get to the office for my 8:30 meeting just to have it cancelled. Awesome.

Oh well, more time to plug away and get some of the items on my to do list checked off once and for all. Isn't that the best feeling ever? Are you a list maker? I totally am. If I want to get anything of value done over the course of the day it's imperative to have my happy to do list, complete with little dashes on the left. Those dashes sit there, ready and waiting, to receive the coveted checkmark that indicates completion. So unbelievably satisfying.

One item I managed to check off my at home to do list was to photograph my new bling, so without further ado, here she is!!


Isn't she just gorgeous? I most certainly think so. Then again I am a proud parent so I might be a little bit biased, but I truly believe she's one of the more beautiful rings in the jewelery box. Ah, the innocence of silver. The sparkle of the pink. Quite a sight to behold.

No, I'm not completely off my rocker - not yet anyway, but it's a slippery slope. Keep an eye on me in case my brakes go out or something as I start slipping! hehe.

In other news, we headed to yet another Home Depot today in search of the zero gravity loungers, my latest obsession. I'd called ahead (yep, there is a brain sloshing around in there, folks) and was told they had five in stock. Perfect!! We only needed two, so five was plenty.

It would have been plenty, if their freakin stock count was right. Sigh...we get there and they don't have a single one despite the now taunting five I see flashing on the screen. Grrrr.....

So they tell me another store, now ever further away from our lovely home, has 15. Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna believe that. Next thing you know I'll show up there and they'll offer me a free, no obligation trip while they try to sell me a time share in Kissimie. Goodie. I'm on to their schemes. You can't fool me that way. Again.

Yep, that was about it. Nothing too exciting really, but if nothing else, today being done brings us one step closer to Tuesday and the next episode of Big Brother.

Oh the things we hold on to...

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

What a wonderful weekend it was...

...if only it was a week longer!

But alas, here we are at Sunday night all over again. I've watched Big Brother, had some hot dogs on the bbq, and checked my BlackBerry to see what's on the agenda for my splendiferous Monday.

I have an 8:30 am meeting.

Blech. Could always be worse, I suppose - it could be an 8 am meeting which is a super pain in the ass to get to (as in, I have to take the 6:58 am train...I'm sure you'll agree that just ain't right). So I guess I'll choose to glass-half-full tomorrow's meeting and proceed accordingly. At least it's with someone I like and respect, and I don't have to do much in the way of prep work, so that helps. Small mercies, I suppose.

So, back to my weekend. Guess we should start with Friday afternoon since I bolted like a non-committal junkie from his first Narcotics Anonymous meeting as soon as my computer clock flipped to noon. Yep, I took me a half day off on Friday and was super happy to do so.

I was a woman with a plan, I tell ya. I bolted from work, hopped on the subway and hooked up with Hubs' mom and sister for some bling shopping. Yes, you read that right - we went to my sister in law's jeweler in search of some fabulous bobbles and we were most certainly not disappointed.

I procured a beautiful new silver ring with a gorgeous emerald cut pink stone, surrounded by pave diamonds. All very man made, I assure you - but the silver is real! And the overall look is divine. A lovely find for this diva. I'll have to see if I can snap a pic later so I can display it here for your viewing pleasure. I know you're simply dying to see it...I'll do my best to fit it in.

After our successful shopping expedition we hooked up with Hubs and had a great lunch. The best part? Not having to go back to work after it! Hehe.

From there, Hubs and I had nothing but time to kill as we were headed to the Chris Cornell concert that evening at 8. In a stroke of brilliance and pure good luck I happened to look up at the television as the concert listings were scrolling by and noticed that he was coming to Massey Hall on Friday night. The non-brilliant aspect? Seeing this for the first time on Thursday morning.

That's right - I decided on Thursday that I wanted to get us tickets for a show the next night. I perused Ticketmaster, and all they had was second balcony, obstructed view. Yuck. So I took a chance and wandered over to the Massey Hall site and lo and behold I was able to secure to 7th row floor seats, just left of centre. Absolutely awesome. Yippee!

So to kill time we wandered all through downtown, had a latte at Starbucks and read our respective books, and had a long, leisurely dinner at Baton Rouge (I ate a potato - I was still full from lunch!). Then it was off to Massey Hall and our fab seats.

Chris (former lead singer of Soundgarden and Audioslave for the unfamiliar) was to come on at 9 and while we had never heard of the opening act - Juliette and the Licks - we decided we'd meandered around long enough so we'd check them out. Okay. So we sit down, the lights dim, the place is max 30% full, and out walks the band. Juliette and her Licks. Crazy long haired chick in painted on leather pants and feathers on her head. Giv'er, crazy chick. She flails about, starts singing and the music is pretty good. A little harder than what I usually listen to, but I was diggin it.

The more I look at her the more I think, man - she looks like Juliette Lewis. I guess that's where she got her name from. And then I realize it IS her! Who knew crazy Juliette Lewis of Natural Born Killers fame was a hard core rock star wannabe? Certainly not me! She's just as crazy on stage as you'd expect her to be. Her chiropractor must be a millionaire for all that head banging.

Anyway, the rest of the concert was amazing, Hubs really enjoyed it (he's the big fan, after all), and all in all it was a great day.

Exhausted (and deaf - well, me anyway) we threw ourselves into bed in preparation for the rest of the weekend to come.

Saturday morning arrived way too early, but we hopped out of bed, packed a bag, and hit the highway for my cousin's place. Two hours later after sitting in some stopped traffic (ugh) we arrived at her house and proceeded to spend the remainder of the day lounging by the pool with my cousin, my sister/brother in law/nephew, and two other cousins and their families. Good times were had by all.

Especially once we discovered their zero gravity chairs. Have you seen these things? Man, Hubs and I just totally fell in love with them, so much so that we went on a (so far unsuccessful) hunt to get two for our very own backyard. Seen them anywhere? Lemme know, will ya? We MUST have them...must. We went to Home Depot where my uncle got his, but nothing. We searched WalMart, but the one they had was absolute crap with a wimpy frame, and since we ain't small people, we weren't taking any chances.

I will find them. We will have them. They will be mine. Oh yes, they will be mine.

But I digress.

After a lovely day by the pool we migrated a few blocks over to my other sister's place and hung out with them for the evening. They've got a new puppy, so visiting with Spike was the name of the game.

We had a great chat, got caught up, then it was bedtime for this kid 'cause I was way beyond sleepy. So we shuffled off to our fouton in the basement (ah, the joys of trying to put up four extra people in a house) and eight back breaking hours later, Sunday morning had arrived.

I spent a lot of time day dreaming about our pillow top mattress today...

We gathered the clan and headed off for a scrumptous Sunday brunch. I had eggs, bacon, pancakes, salads, pasta...you name it, it was, in one way, shape or form, shoved down my gullet. I had my brunch face on, and no one was getting in my way!

We gorged like champs and eventually rolled ourselves out the front door when it was agreed that there was simply no more room for anything else in anyone's belly. We were well fueled for the drive home that awaited us.

We said our goodbyes then hit the road. Fortunately there was much less in the way of traffic, and we actually made it home in decent time.

Where I promptly proceeded to fall asleep on the couch, seconds after we walked in the door. I guess all the excitement of the weekend and the fabulous fouton finally caught up to me.

And so we're back to where we started from. I've had my dinner, watched Big Brother, and now I've blogged so I guess all that remains is to proof this post, shut the laptop, and attempt to drift off to sleep beside Hubs, the human chainsaw. Wish me luck!

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

Artificial hormones can really screw with your mind

Add a rainy day, a difference of viewpoints with your boss, and the fact that our stupid car is acting up today, and hell - you're bound to have a bit of a snippy side, no?

I think so. I think I've earned my on again off again foul mood today. Fortunately it was a good mood for the vast majority of this day that was Thursday, but I find my proverbial fuse was muuuuuch shorter today than it has been on non-hormone consuming days. Guess those little inserts with the drugs really are true.

Yes, it was a craptastic weather day. It poured buckets as I was leaving the house (although seconds before we made for the car there was nary a drop to be seen - figures) and I got dripped on, despite the cover of my trusty umbrella, whilst waiting for the train. Nothing like damp pant cuffs to get your day of to a very dreary start indeed.

Anywho, I did manage to pull myself out from time to time, but all in all it's been an interesting day. Poor Hubs. Good thing he's pretty much snoring away beside me as I type this. He's put Groundhog Day on - again. It's like art imitating life imitating art. He keeps starting this movie every night, but always falls asleep before it ends. So the next night he puts it on again, this time a bit further in, but sure enough - falls asleep before it ends. Tonight you got it - he was going to watch the end of the movie. Well, here we are. I'm typing away, the movie is still on, and he's down for the count in full snore. I have a new appreciation for Bill Murray's character now - seems we're living parallel lives. At least mine is taking place in the summer!

Okay, that was a huge tangent there. Where was I? Ah yes, damp pant cuffs. The day just progressed from there. But the good news is that it ended beautifully with a trip to David, my favourite hairdresser. We chatted, he coloured, he cut, he styled, and I was thrust back into the world, all freshly pressed and prettied. I'll never get my hair to look like this again all by myself, but alas...for a brief and shining moment, I was glammed like nobody's business! And the look on Hubs' face when he picked me up front the train, not knowing I was getting it done, was sweet, sweet, sweet! Kinda redeemed the day.

And as it's Thursday, there was an episode of Big Brother to look forward to. What a great show! The people I wanted to go left, and the power shift in the house is just desserts for the silly Jen's and Kail's of the world. Kinda reaffirmed my belief that sometimes, things just work out the way you want them to.

Well, I'm getting pretty sleepy so I think I'll bring this train wreck of a disjointed post to a merciful end. Tomorrow promises to be a great day...only working for the morning, then meeting up with the sister and mother in law for lunch and a little bling shopping (in true diva fashion), then Hubs is meeting me downtown so we can go for dinner and to the Chris Cornell concert. And as if all that wasn't enough, it's also supposed to be sunny tomorrow! The day can't be all bad if my pant cuffs manage to stay dry on my trip into the office!

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

Guilty Summer Pleasures

There are many things I love about summer. The sun, the heat, the patios, sandals, cute summer toes, the lack of socks, umbrella drinks, the sun stays up until well after nine, and, of course....

...Big Brother comes on!

I'm shocked and chagrined that I haven't blogged about my love for Big Brother yet. I mean, it started on July 5, for pete's sake, and here we are 12 whole days later and I haven't even mentioned it. This whole fertility challenge thing has really thrown me for a loop, but rest assured that I'm watching every freakin episode with much glee and delight.

This is certainly one of my guilty pleasures. No redeeming social qualities whatsoever, but wowie - does it hold my attention like nobody's business. No ADHD concerns with this kid while BB8 is on the telly - it's like crack for me. I'm addicted, I must have my fill.

Hubs is actually out tonight at someone else's house playing his silly boy games so I'm all by my lonesome. Had a great dinner at Le Papillon with the gals, then headed home early, tended to some chores around the house (yes, I watered the lawn yet again and took the garbage out - do I lose diva points for the latter?)...and waited.

Waited for Hubs to get home so we could watch Big Brother. I watched the Second City Next Comedy Legend show (yawn...where are all the funny people I met in improv classes? why weren't they trying out for this thing? alas...) 'cause Hubs has no desire to watch it, then I waited some more. It's now well after 11, and he's still not home. Yeesh.

So I decided to say screw him and started watching the damned show by myself. I mean, how much longer could I be expected to just sit here patiently before exploding!? Come on - everything has a limit, and this is mine!!

I've now just finished watching tonight's episode, and lemme just apologize in advance if you don't watch this show. What you're about to read will make absolutely no sense to you, so I'd completely understand should you choose to bail now and head out to greener, less complicated, more familiar internet pastures. Shoo. It's okay. I promise.

If you're still with me and you watch the show but didn't see tonight's episode and have it taped on your PVR to watch when you get home tomorrow after another crazy day at the office, fret not - I won't spoil anything for you. Exhale....all is well.

First - can I just say what a thunderc*^t Jen is? I hate her, I mean reallllly hate her. She's dumb. And stupid. And totally stupid dumb. Does she really think that behaving this way will get her further in the game? Jenuine airhead, that's what she is. Yes, I hate those shirts too. I want to stab her through my tv. Too bad that doesn't work.

I'm just so mad at her for nominating Daniele and Dick. They entertain me, so I'd like to see them stick around. It would be so sad to lose one of them, and at this point the nasty bitch has engineered it so that the chances of losing an actual good character are high. Super high. Why couldn't she have some grudge against stupid Jessica? Her voice = nails on a chalkboard. I wanna punt her and her pompoms for a field goal, I tell you what.

I appear to have the rage in me today. Hmmm...I haven't heard any reported cases of clomid rage - maybe I'll be the first! But I digress...

The only saving grace is that no matter who wins HoH next week, they have got to put her up. She has to go - I think it's the one thing the entire house would agree upon at this point. They should have gotten her out last week when they had the chance, but oooooooh no, did they listen to me screaming at them from my living room? You guessed it - nope! And now it's coming back to bite them in the ass. Let's hope they're just not stupid enough to let another week go by with her playing Alice up there in Wonderland (the house looks insane this year, btw - BB, wtf were you thinking?). That's the kind of thing that would require a trip to Future Shop (to purchase new tv after water bottle has been thrown at and subsequently broken the screen of our current, perfectly good tv).

And can I simply say one word - unitard? OMG I've never laughed so hard in my life. How can one person be so clueless? I think she was deprived of oxygen as a child. Daily. For every minute of her childhood.

Okay, I suppose that's enough rage for one night. I have to go to bed now since my eyeballs are burning and I haven't slept well for the past few days. I just heard from Hubs and he's apparently about 15 minutes away from home. Things 'ran a bit long' and they just couldn't stop, they had to finish what they were doing. Uh, okay.

I'm happy he's on his way home. Hell, to be perfectly honest....I'm just happy things didn't 'run a bit long' at our place tonight. With all this rage and lack of sleep, god knows what might have come out of my mouth. Socks + sandals might have just pushed me over the brink.

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

I am, by nature, many things...

....and it is clear today, that 'gardener' is nowhere on that list.

Ouch. Can I just say that? Ouch. Everything hurts. My butt hurts....not there, sickos, my butt muscles. You know, the ones you never use unless you bend over and haul things repeatedly? And since I've learned to walk upright, I haven't spent a whole helluva lotta time bending and picking. Until today.

Hubs was away this weekend (well, not all weekend - just 24 hours, but it still seemed like a really, really, really long time) at his friend Taco's stag. The boys went up to Casino Rama to see the fights, and stayed at the delightful EconoLodge in Orillia. Stunning accommodations, I'm sure. I tell you all this because it means two things - 1) I had to sleep in this house alone for the first time since we moved here, and 2) I got to spend the day today with my fabulous sister in law; gardener extraordinaire and my own personal landscaping guru.

Number one there wasn't so fun...or was it? Don't get me wrong, I love cuddling with my Hubby, but he snores. Like nothing else you've ever heard before in your entire life. And he needs to have the fan on when he sleeps. And he always falls asleep before turning the television off. And to make all these matters worse - he ALWAYS falls asleep before I do. Leaving me to contend with the noise from the fan and to pry the remote from his killer grip (even while sleeping he's got that GI Joe kung fu thing goin' on), and try to fall asleep with him sleeping in my ear.

So last night I had the bed to myself, no fan on, I turned the tv off when I was ready to sleep....and it was so quiet. Completely quiet. Weird, but dang....I done passed out right quick. And all the sudden it was morning. Who knew? I still missed him, especially when I woke up and he wasn't there (sniff) but alas...I survived.

Then my guru showed up at my door, and it was time to get moving. You see, when we bought our house, it was a complete blank slate from a landscaping perspective and I knew that someday, I wanted to add some garden elements to the front and backyards. I just didn't want to have to do all the work...enter my fab sister in law!

She has a huge spread up in the country and a gazillion gardens - plus the know how to make the whole damned project work, and the willingness to actually do it, so she was instantly hired! Like that was a huge decision to make. Duh.

So off we go to the nursery, she the wise elder, me the wide-eyed toddler, blinking furiously at the dazzling array of colours and plants...and price tags! Trees ain't cheap, yo! Alas, the two we want for our wee garden shan't break the bank but wowie...pretty gardens cost some serious Benjamins! Can't wait to see how this all turns out.

A few hours of butt-breaking labour later, the bed is cut out, the sod has been lifted, and we have the makings of a lovely garden. And a huge pit of mud, 'cause it rained twice while we were trying to get the danged thing dug out. FU mother nature. Oh well, at least our grass got a good sprinkling and I didn't have to stand there with the flippin hose.

So as soon as Big Brother is over, I'm going to haul my sore butt up to our huge tub and take a bubble bath. Then I'll hop into bed and cuddle with my hubby, and sooner or later I'll manage to fall asleep over the din of the fan and the tv. Ah, life as it should be. It's good to have him home.

Now, if only I can get him to spring for a butt massage....

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

By way of explanation

Yes, I haven't been around much. And even when I have, I haven't been my upbeat (if cynical and bitchy) self, wouldn't you say?

Well, today I can finally tell you why, and I hope you'll forgive me my transgressions and wanton lack of posts. I've been a bit of a basket case.

If you've read for a while, you know that Hubs and I are having trouble starting a family. We've been trying for more than two and a half years, and in that time there's been nary a blip on the baby radar screen. Nothing. Nada.

So in November of last year, we finally got our referral to a fertility clinic (feel free to skip ahead if all of this is rote to you by now). Tests were done, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and type 2 diabetes, and I had to take three months to get my blood sugar under control. I managed to do just that, and we were able to start trying - with assistance.

I was given clomid, a happy pill that makes you all loopy in the brain and, oh yeah, also makes your eggs grow. First cycle I didn't respond - no eggs for me - and the cycle was canceled. There were many tears, but we moved on.

At the start of cycle number two I went to the clinic on day three, ready to start anew, and was told that I had a cyst and this cycle was canceled as well. Bugger. More tears, more brink-of-nervous-breakdown behaviour, a trip to Cuba to avoid said breakdown, and we were back again, ready to start cycle three.

Day one of cycle three is the day Hubs' father passes away. I have to take the clomid, now double the dosage from last time, as we deal with the funeral preparations and the funeral itself. Awesome. Set the emotional puppet free and watch her dance! Sigh...

This time, it appeared that we were actually making progress. While I didn't develop the hormones necessary to make an eggie release all on its own, the clinic decided to go ahead with a medicated egg release, and I suddenly found myself emulating all those druggies that hang out in train station bathrooms by self-administering a hormone shot in the stomach in the GO station bathroom following a Tuesday Night Distraction Club meeting.

Around this time I meandered in here and stated that I wasn't going to talk about what we were up to on our journey. Is this all coming back to you now? Good, it should! It was only two weeks ago and I've barely posted since then, so you must have read recent posts in sheer desperation to once again step into my world!

Yeah, right. Anyway....

That Thursday, Hubs' sister's birthday by the way, we went to the clinic for happy insemination day. Hubs made sexy time with a svelte cup with a pink lid, I waited patiently like any bored housewife who knows what's going on behind closed doors, and three hours later, 30 million of his best swimmers were mercilessly thrust into my welcoming uterus via catheter (by way of my cervix). From there, they were on their own.

Apparently the little fuckers got bored or sleepy or lost or started up a game of Dungeons and Dragons, 'cause they sure as shit didn't do the two step with my egg.

Actually, I shouldn't be blaming the poor bastards. They were in remarkably good shape, and I truly believe that the problem lies with me. In fact, I'm not even 100% sure I actually released an egg, so there you go. They could have been in there, all ready to go, looking around stunned like, not quite sure what they were supposed to wiggle their little heads into. And so they just up and died, and as a result - we're not pregnant.

This was confirmed today via bloodwork. It was, as you can hopefully imagine, a sad day.

It wasn't at all unexpected, however. I knew the success rates maxed out at around 20%. I knew that without an LH surge of my own, there was no real way to know if I actually ovulated at all. And more than anything, I just knew it in my gut...it wasn't going to work.

You see, my greatest fear has always been that I won't be able to bear children. I've never had regular cycles, so this isn't something I just dreamed up out of nowhere - it's always been a very real possibility to me. So I ask you now to think of your greatest fear, and imagine yourself sitting back, watching life pass you by as it slowly begins to come true. Pretty fuckin crappy, eh? It sure is.

I KNEW it was going to be a negative result or BFN as we say in the the baby circles. Stands for Big Fat Negative, but I always like to change the F from fat to something else much more apropo in my eyes. Bet you can figure out what that is!!! Yep, you got it. I'd been going through home pregnancy tests like a crack whore goes through...uh, crack. Or men. Or crack men. You get the point. I was doing one a day for five days before my test date, and in one super frenetic moment, I even did two in one day. And they were all negative. Yeah, that was not pretty I tell you.

So today was all about getting closure and figuring out where to go from here. We'll keep trying, of course, but it was just so demoralizing to get that call and hear 'oh diva, I'm so sorry - I wish I had better news for you'. Even though I knew it was coming, it was still a punch to the gut to receive.

I instantly starting just bawling in my office. I tried desperately to remember all the questions I had rehearsed and think I managed to sputter most of them out. I wasn't too happy with the answers I got, especially since the clinic is closing for two weeks in a week and a half (which means we might have to miss yet ANOTHER cycle - sometimes I truly hate them), but what can I do, really? I don't have an ultrasound machine at home so I can keep a close eye on dem ovaries whilst the clinic does its inventory and the clinic folk go on vacation.

The nurse did suggest that I talk to their social worker, who deals with people in my situation. As I'm sure you can see I'm not finding this to be an emotional walk in the park, so despite my normal 'I'm a strong, independent woman, I don't need to seek help by talking to anyone', I think I might take them up on the offer. If only to make poor Hubs and my befuddled mom feel better - they're both so worried about me, which only makes me sad and mad at myself for making them feel this way. Vicious circle, these emotions are. So I'll give her a call and set something up. Can't hurt. I guess. I hope!

So that's been my past two weeks. I hope my revelations help to shed some light on why my littler corner of the blogging universe has been kinda dark for a while, and I hope you'll understand why it was necessary to keep this under wraps until we knew what the outcome was. It was hard enough telling my wb friends (in the bb section, of course) that it didn't work when they were all cheering me on and rooting for me like you wouldn't believe. I just couldn't bring it out in the open that much more and have everyone asking how things were going, what was happening, ya know?

Today goes down as a crappy day in my books. I'd been dreading July 12 for a while, and turns out I was right. And it also sucked for a good friend who got crappy news from her fertility clinic today - I'm thinking about you. You know who you are.

Fortunately all was not lost this week - my good wb buddy Corrie got her positive result, and I couldn't be happier for her. We've been running this race together for a good while now, and I'm so happy that things have finally gone her way. I'm sad that we won't have the chance to go through the whole preggo thing together (her due date is one day ahead of what mine would have been) but I'm delighted that there's finally some good news for one of us.

I've rambled on enough now. It's time to watch tonight's Big Brother (safely taped on the PVR), then I'm heading off to bed. My eyeballs are burning from all the crying I've done over the past few days (if you have a salt water aquarium that needs topping up, call me!), and I'd really just like to put this day behind me. After this, Friday the 13th seems like a piece of cake!!!

But before I head to bed I'm making a beeline for the fridge where I will find a nice, cold, Alexander Keith's - the pride of Nova Scotia - who has been waiting patiently for me for two long weeks. Soon, Alexander, soon...

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

It's been awhile...

Camilla asked me this morning if everything was okay, 'cause it's been almost a week since I've posted. Wow. Slackers are us, I suppose. That, and it's been another roller coaster of a week, many many ups and downs, and to top it all off, I'm just plain exhausted, ya know?

My sister found out the sex of her baby today. That was hard...just another reminder of what we're having trouble doing for ourselves. They're leaving on a trip to San Francisco tomorrow morning, so my parents are down looking after their grandson while my sister and BIL are having their first trip to themselves since C. was born.

It's been a really emotional few days. DeeDee has been staying with us for a good while now, and has been spending lots of time with her Nana (Hubs' mom) during the day while Hubs is at work. I think it's great for both of them, and a huge help to us. DeeDee loves spending time knitting and watching movies with her Nana, and I think Nana likes having her days filled with laughter and granddaughterly love a great deal as well. Thank goodness for Nana, I'll tell you whut!

Sometimes I feel so bad because I get short tempered with her (DeeDee that is - Nana's a saint), especially while I'm tired and trying to deal with all the other stuff going on in our lives. It's such a challenging position to be in - I want to do what I can to help her in even the smallest of things, but if you know me, you know how certain actions or behaviours will grate on my last nerve. Well, she's a kid - so she's chalk full of them, especially these days. She's 15 days away from being 10. 'Nuff said.

So I find myself snapping at her or rolling my eyes or making little 'tut' noises or saying her name in 'that voice'. I'm soooooo not fun for her to be around these days, that's for sure!

Okay - can I just say, she's talking to her mom right now and I'm astounded. She regresses into a totally different kid. Sounding all sucky and whiney, and get this - she just asked her own mother when the baby bonus was coming in, and how much money she was getting! Wow...what kid, at 9 years old, is that in tune with her mother's finances? Oh yeah...she knows it all. Even how much she should be getting back on her tax refund and when it should be coming in. I kid you not.

But that's not the worst part - not by a long stretch. What kills me is how she goes from sucky kid to the adult of the relationship in one fell swoop. She goes from this saccharine voice to saying, 'don't worry, I'll be home tomorrow and everything will be okay. I'm coming home."

Poor kid, trapped in that insane limbo world - half child, half adult. All well and good now, I suppose, but watch out world when she doesn't need her mom as much anymore...when she turns 14 and wants to hang out with her friends - not her mom (or her dad for that matter, truth be told). Sludge is gonna take that pretty danged hard. Especially because she has no life of her own to speak of outside of her only daughter.

Anyway, I've kinda rambled on enough for now. I realize that this doesn't really catch you up on what's been going on for this past week, but know that it's been crazy but I'm still alive. And kicking.

Now here's hoping I can stop some of that kicking stuff in the next week or so. My foot's getting kinda sore.

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

How I love loong weekends...sigh...

Tomorrow I return to work, after five (almost five - I actually did do some work from home on Friday morning) blissful days away from the office. I got to sleep in every day, no alarms, no snoozes, no GO trains to catch. I went for a manicure close to home at a fantastic place, I had lunch with my sister, I walked to Timmy's and Blockbuster, I read in the sun, we hung out at the park, I tended to my poor, sun scorched grass...all in all, it was five fantastic homebody days that I would kill to extend, but alas, 'tis not to be.

I like being at home. I like my work too, especially the people (I actually miss some of them - how weird is that??), but I lurve my house! And my hood! And the park just behind us...with its splash pad and wonky swings and stuff - it's a kids paradise!

Speaking of the park, I have to tell you - while we were there on Monday, DeeDee made a new friend! It was so exciting, such a wonderful thing to watch, 'cause the poor kid doesn't make friends easily in the best of situations, and since she's only out here every second weekend, she doesn't have much in the way of opportunity to hook up with the kids in da hood.

Which is why I was so happy when she started chatting with a wee lass almost her age whilst running through the pirate ship in the splash pad. They had a great time, then Hubs went over to meet her daddy, they exchanged phone numbers (how very suburban - this parental dating thing is very new to me, the childless wonder), and hopefully they'll be able to make plans to get together next time DeeDee's in residence with us. Warms the cockles, don't it? Totally made my day.

Well that, and the McDonald's fries that I had shortly after this tear jerking meeting. Someone mentioned McDicks and I simply. Had. To. Have. It. Right. Then. And. There.

You've been there. We all have. This much I know.

So let's see, what else is there to tell you....Saturday we had a picnic at a great beach. It was nice and calm when we got there, then the wind picked up so it was perfect for Hubs and DeeDee to fly their insanely expensive kite. I was more concerned about the danged thing dive bombing some unsuspecting toddler and taking the poor tots' eyes out. I was much happier when the plastic monstrosity safely touched ground.

Sunday we had Hubs' family over for a bbq to celebrate the birthdays of my delightful sisters in law. We even got to meet J's new boyfriend!! We had a delightful time scaring the crap out of her about what we might say, but all in all I think it went quite well. He's a very nice guy that obviously cares about her, so what the hell more can we, the folk who love her and will protect her to the death, ask for? And hey - for bonus points, he washed the straglishes - you know, the stragglers of the dishes world. The ones that, no matter how much clever rearranging you try, you simply can't cram into the dishwasher, so they have to be washed by hand.

I'll always welcome a man who does the straglishes into my home. Snaps to new guy.

Okay, so then Monday was a good sleep in, the trip to the park, a walk to Blockbuster to get some films and some Baskin Robbins (ooooohhhh - so bad but soooo good), and a somewhat early night since everyone (but me! HA!) had to moblize early this morning. Poor things. So sad.

I slept in until 9 this morning so I'll be able to go to bed at a decent time tonight (pretty much as soon as I'm finished typing this) then got up, made my own breakfast (such is my plight now that Hubs was at work), and watched Bobby. As in the movie about RFK, and nothing to do with Howie Mandell.

Thank god.

Tonight the Tuesday Night Distraction Club moved east since I was nowhere near the downtown core. So a small group of us gathered at the modern suburban mecca (aka our local Jack Astors) and dished the dirt like only gals can. JW, I wish you nothing but the best on your two dates this week. Do be sure to keep me informed, especially about the guy Hubs might know. Always good to have someone help you with your research! It was a great dinner, and once again I was reminded of how glad I am that I make it a point to connect with gal pals old and new once a week. Chicks rule!

Since my travel time was cut considerably, I made it home well before the elvish brood vacated the premises, so I concentrated on watering the front lawn and taking out the trash. Yep, from girlie girl to tomboy in a few simple steps. Those Transformer car thingies ain't got nuthin on me!

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?