Monday, 26 March 2007

Don 'cha wish you were there...


Well, the concert has come and gone. A good time was had by all - and by all, I mean DeeDee and I. Yep, it all came together without as much as a single begging call, much to my great relief.

It's funny - this was the first time DeeDee and I had spent any alone time together. Usually there's the three of us, and Hubs is a comforting buffer between we two. Not that there's any real need for a buffer, don't get me wrong...it's just that she's with us to spend time with her Dad and I'm always along for the ride. This time, the tables were turned and Dad was left to sit at home and watch Rocky Balboa. Shame I missed that.

And that got me thinking, before we even left - what if it's awkward and there's nothing to talk about? What if she really doesn't want to be there with me but is going along because she wants to see the concert? And the worst - what if I really should have let her go with her mom because they listen to the music together (we do too, but still)?

I actually started feeling kinda nauseous, like I wasn't sure I'd done the right thing. I'd been so stubborn in my stance about me being the one to take her that I worried I hadn't thought the entire thing through. And then it hit me...

I'm going to be in this kid's life for...well, the rest of it, actually. And while I have no aspirations to replace her mother in her life, I do want to be there for her and for us to have experiences of our own. Not that they have to happen every weekend, but still - I realized that she needs to see me as a whole and separate person - not just her Daddy's new wife. So if this was to be our first foray into girl time, so be it.

The entire ride in to downtown I still had that nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach - something I'm really not used to, all things considered. I'm most often a quite confident diva, rarely questioning my decisions once made and barreling head first into life. This was uncharted territory for me! Especially since it took a while to get the conversation flowing in the car, so the first 12 kms or so we relied on Christina on cd to fill the empty space of the car.

We made it there, got parked, and headed into the ACC. I think she was a bit overwhelmed by the people, the sounds, the open space - everything! And who could blame her - the outfits worn by the pre-pubescent teens alone were enough to send me into sensory overload.

Our first stop was the souvenir stand so she could peruse the offerings and pick out a take home treat. I had to put my foot down and embargo the sweatshirts - when the swag costs more than the ticket sweetie, the answer is no. So we settled on a (gulp) $40 Christina ball cap and were on our way.

Diet Coke and popcorn procured, we trudged our way up, up, up to our seats. Yes, we were high. In fact, there were but two rows north of us. We almost succumbed to a bout of altitude sickness! Thankfully there were large screens, as always, to the side, so all was not lost.

The show itself was pretty darned good. DeeDee loved it...at first, I think she wasn't really sure how to behave - whether she could sing along, jump up and down, scream, or if she should just sit there. When the Pussycat Dolls came on she had a huge grin on her face which made all of the crap that got us there worth it. And as frustrated as she got during the marathon break between them and the main attraction, when that other diva gal took the stage, she was in heaven!!

She shook off all her inhibitions and, spurred on by the trio of tweens seated directly behind us and their ear splitting screams, decided that she wanted to lose her voice for school the next day as a badge of concert attending honour. Not sure if she succeeded in her quest, but she sure as hell did give it the ole college try.

And boy oh boy did she sing her heart out at times. The one song she really wanted to hear was Hurt - not sure if you're familiar with it, but if not here are the lyrics:


"Hurt"

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

By hurting you

Any wonder this is one of Sludge's favourite songs, and therefore DeeDee's? Wow...poor kid. Not even really old enough to understand why her mom likes it so much, but what can you do. When CA sang it, DeeDee was singing her heart out like nothing I've ever seen before - much to the chagrin of the cranky pants sitting in front of us, but what can you do.

When it was all over, we made our way, cattle-like, to the car for our way home. Both of us pumped from the concert, the conversation flowed a little more freely and we discussed school, the fact that she and her mom are moving back in with her aunt...again...her mom's health; all the fun topics.

It took me a while, but I finally managed to squeeze out a sentence to tell her that if she ever needed to talk about anything that she didn't think she could talk to her mom OR dad about, that she was welcome to talk to me, that I understood what it was like to be in her shoes 'cause I was the kid in the middle when my parents split up. And she looked at me with a smile that yet again, made everything worth it.

Then she started opening up to me, and it was magic. Concert be damned, that moment was worth the price of the tickets, the parking, the popcorn and the ballcap. Times ten.

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

8 comments on "Don 'cha wish you were there..."

Anonymous said...

Diva:
Your blog made me cry today!
I'm crying tears of joy for you in being able to break-through with Dee Dee. I'm so glad you got some alone time together to start your special bond. I think Dee Dee realized last night, your not just there because you married her Dad, you're there for her too.
Congrats, or as you say, snaps to you!

Anonymous said...

Sniff...wow. Tears here as well. You are an awesome stepmom. She'll remember that moment with you for a long time.

WBERfitzpali

Anonymous said...

oh wow. *sniffles* That made me tear up too! I'm so glad you and DeeDee got your time together!

I was thinking about your concert all weekend, because DH was telling me that CA arrived in town last week (she went through immigration where he works). I was wondering, oh what the heck is she doing in town.. then it hit me. your concert! :p And if you were wondering, he said she looks hot in person too (you know how they don't always look the same IRL? hahaha).

Ewokie

Janny said...

I'm sorta happy I am not the only one in tears here! SOOOO happy you guys had a great time! I'm sure she really had a blast, and I do hope, for her sake, that she did lose her voice (it's so much fun to get to brag about why you can't talk! :P)
I thought about you guys all last night, was wondering how you enjoyed the show and how it went with DeeDee!
Well, anywho, YEAH for you for standing your ground and getting an amazing night out of it all! :) *Snaps* :D

Christy on 26 March 2007 at 13:40 said...

I am soooooo happy that everything work out, and for the future for you and DeeDee...looks like it is going to be a good one for sure!

Anonymous said...

I'm all choked up too, I wish my step-mother was one tenth the person you are!

Corrie

beamingbridetobe said...

I have a little tear in my eye too.. I am very happy that you had a great night!! Sounds like a breakthrough was made...congratulations BIG HUG:)
Judy

Anonymous said...

Oh tears are trickling here too! What a beautiful evening you had together and the end result is a wonderful bond that is fragile and yet precious. I'm sure DeeDee was relieved to open up to you... she probably does need someone to talk to now and then...
Grimeysgal

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