Wednesday, 15 August 2007

On being a girl


If I ever find the guy (and you KNOW it has to be a guy) that's behind the insanity that is the "Have a happy period" marking campaign for Always, I will push him down a huge flight of stairs and not even wait around to hear his body hit the ground.

Seriously...have a happy period? Who says that? What about a period is happy, I ask you? Unless you're praying to the bleedin' gods that you're not pregnant, and in that case the message should be more along the lines of "Congrats! Here's your get out of jail free card. Next time be more careful".

But I guess that won't sell maxi pads, eh? And it takes up an awful lot of room on the protective sticker thingie.

No, nothing about having a period is happy. You're crampy, you're tired, you're irritable, and oh yeah - you're bleeding for five straight days. In my case, I'm all these things. And, I'm also not pregnant. Happy period, my ass.

Funny how our emotions can ebb and flow much like the cycles themselves. Because of my PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) I don't get regular periods - never have. I'd go up to nine months at a time without one. And it was bliss, kinda. I mean, at the time I wasn't looking for a tenant in my womb, so I was completely content to let it sit vacant and cobweb over a bit until I needed the place. I knew something wasn't quite right, but for the time being there was no need to do anything about it.

Fast forward a few years, and I'm desperate for good ole Aunt Flo to show up at my front door, asking to be let in. Month after month she wouldn't show, so finally I had to get the good doctors to give her a little push until she'd begrudgingly make her appearance. Jagger was really on to something with that whole 'you can't always get what you want' thing. Sigh.

Fast forward a bit further, and we find ourselves at present day. Thanks to the jumbo sized cocktail of drugs partying it up in my bloodstream, I seem to be surfing the crimson wave with much greater regularity. And I gotta tell ya - it sucks.

Not that I'm telling the vast majority of you something you don't already know. How you go through this every 28 days (give or take) is beyond me. Or at least it has been, but now I'm actually becoming one of you, living this insanity month in and month out. That's right - I've actually had three periods in the past three months. Is it insane to say that's never happened to be me before in my entire life? And did I mention I'm going to be 34 next week?

WTF?

And no, just for the record and in case you couldn't tell, I'm not having a happy period. I'm having a grumpy, crampy, someone's-taking-a-melon-baller-to-my-insides, get-the-fuck-out-of-my-face period.

Take that, Always. And marketing dude - I suggest you rethink your campaign. Either that, or stay the hell away from me. And stairs.

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?

5 comments on "On being a girl"

Anonymous said...

so, so, SO true...

celtic_kitten on 16 August 2007 at 07:42 said...

Right there with ya!

That and I keep saying to DH 'round about day2 every time "Being a girl sucks" and he, foolish boy, has on more than one occasion brought up that Tampax Compact "Being a girl Rocks" campaign. Right... 'cuz it's awesome that you have to find a product small enough that you can carry it discreetly to the bathroom with you at school/work without the tell-tale purse. Thanks... that makes it all worth while! *grumble*

So... here's hoping that September brings months of freedom from idiot marketing angst for those who're seeking it!

Janny said...

Amen Diva!

There was only ONE time I was really opposed to the all-mighty Oprah, and it was when she did a show on being a woman and all that. And she said we should all embrace our period and it's a gift and bla bla... Sure, I get the point that it's a great thing in the grand scheme of things, but she probably doesn't get the cramps and mood swings I do, cause trust me EVERYONE around me wishes I wasn't going through that lovely time (I think you and I are pretty similar in terms of the symptoms Diva, so you probably understand this). And then that STUPID Happy Period Campaing! COME ON! The boys at work thought it was cute, and I chewed their heads off about it... Poor them...

Anywho, I am totally with you, that guy should be tortured... SLOWLY... And then thrown down some stairs, cause NO WAY a woman would ever come up with that BS!

Janny said...

Already sent this to you, but for others this may interest, there is a Facebook group on the subject! :)
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2237378586

It's worth checking if only to read the open letter someone sent to the head of Always... A MAN!!

Anonymous said...

"Have a happy period" - that's the stupidest thing I ever heard, and I tell it to DH everytime I see that commercial.

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