And now for something completely different...

So traditionally my blog has been pretty fluffy. Lighthearted stuff. No real redeeming social qualities, but I like it that way, I like it just fine.

On one of my fave sites, there's an interesting discussion going on that I thought I'd extend to my blog reading family and friends. It revolves around a book entitled The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? While not groundbreaking or revolutionary in its substance, it does, once again, bring up that age old debate about women being in the workforce after the birth of their children.

As taken directly from the book's website, www.thefemininemistake.com, here's a bit of background:

Like her mother, Bennetts raised two children while earning a living; She and millions of other working women provide ample proof that there are many different ways to have kids, maintain a challenging career, and have a richly rewarding life as a result. And yet women are constantly told that it’s simply too difficult to balance work and family. Not only is this untrue, Bennetts says, but the arguments in favor of stay-at-home motherhood also fail to consider the dangers of dependency and the difficulty of reentering the workforce after opting out. When women sacrifice their financial autonomy by quitting their jobs, they become vulnerable to divorce as well as the potential illness, death, or unemployment of their breadwinner husbands. Bennetts’ own family learned this lesson the hard way: Her grandmother suffered a lifetime of financial problems after her husband left her, and Bennetts’ mother ended up as the family’s primary breadwinner. But women who stop working sacrifice far more than financial security. Bennetts’ painstaking research documents the steep toll when women forfeit the intellectual, emotional, psychological, and even medical benefits of self-sufficiency. It’s time, she says, to get the message across—combining work and family really is the best choice for most women, and it’s eminently doable. “You never know what you can achieve until you try,” Bennetts says. In riveting interviews with women from a wide range of backgrounds, The Feminine Mistake explores both the long-term risks of economic dependency and the surprising rewards of work. These dramatic stories—some shocking and heartbreaking, others triumphant—will inspire women to embrace the challenge of figuring out who they are and what they want to do with their lives in addition to raising children, and benefiting from the joyously complex lives they deserve.

Interesting, no? I know that we've all had different upbringings, different family situations, and as such, I'd be really interested to hear comments on the premise behind the book and/or how your particular upbringing may have shaped your view on the subject.

I'll start (what a surprise.....)

The best way for me to do this is to simply paste here the long entry I made earlier on the message board. I'm not going to add anything afterwards, so consider this your formal invitation to wade into these murky waters once you've finished reading my diatribe. Looking forward to hearing other people's thoughts!!

Oh yeah... if you're a WB gal and you've read this already, you miiiiiight wanna just head directly to the comments section and leave your point of view there. :)

Over time and with age and experience, my thoughts on this subject have radically changed. I haven't read the book, but wanted to comment generally on the broader topic of women working vs staying at home.

My parents divorced when I was 7. Even before the divorce, my mother always worked. Always. We, even at young ages, were required to be surprisingly self-sufficient - make our own lunches, etc - and while at the time I thought nothing of it, as I started to see other kids' lunches with cool snacks and the crusts cut off their sandwiches, I'd start to get jealous of the kids whose mom was at home, making their yummy lunches for them. Or coming to their recitals. Or school plays. Or Christmas concerts. Or being there when they fell from the monkey bars and broke their arm.

My mom wasn't that mom. She had an excellent job, one that required her to travel often, and she had to work her butt off to continue to do well, because she was it after the divorce. And she did a fantastic job of it.

She always joked that she'd never win the mother-of-the-year award because she was away so much and just couldn't be 'there' for us when we needed her - especially since we were only living with one parent. Her sister lived with us for a while to help out, and as such I had not one but two examples of strong, working women who did what had to be done to support their families.

So while at the time I was crushed that it was my mom's secretary, not my mom, who drove me to the hospital and waited with me while my cast was setting, now I wouldn't change my upbringing for anything.

My mom taught me that it is hugely important for everyone to work to the best of their ability, and that you shouldn't/can't rely on anyone else to support you, because who knows? She taught me to work hard in school, because education is what would give me the edge in a very competitive world. She taught me that a woman can have any career she wants, and really excel at it. She was the President of an international organization and through her travels, she taught me to appreciate art, different cultures, and she reminded me that there is a huge world beyond our front door.

Because of her, I am who I am today. There was no discussion about university - it was just the next logical step after high school. And when I finished my first degree, I was encouraged to do a Master's and I did. My ambition, desire to work, and drive to succeed all came, in great part, thanks to watching my mother in her professional life as I grew up.

Until I met my now DH, career was it for me. I was aggressive, ambitious and hard working. Over a period of five years I worked for two different organizations, but held 7 different (and progressive) titles. I'd stay well past five, and had no qualms about putting in extra hours or doing some work at home on the weekends.

That's changed now - substantially. And we don't even have kids yet! While I'm still career oriented, it's not my sole focus in life anymore. I have a husband that I love and a home that we've built together that I really like to spend time in. I leave at 4:30 now pretty much every day so I can catch my train and get home to him. I stay if needed for a meeting or event of course, but my priorities have shifted.

I'm still dedicated to being the best I can be on the job, but there's a huge part of me that can't wait for a maternity leave. I LOVE my job, but I'd also really love a break! Not that dealing with a newborn is a break - I mean a break from the workforce. I want to go to swimming lessons with my baby, and not turn on my BlackBerry. I want to take advantage of the fantastic park behind my house.

And at the same time, I'm petrified about what will happen in my job while I'm gone. Who will take over for me, how they'll interact, what they might do to impact the relationships it's taken me years to meticulously build?

I also make more than Hubs, so we can't afford for me to take the whole year off, even with both of us earning good salaries. We just can't do it. So it looks like I'll take nine months and Hubs has expressed some interest in taking time too.

This both appeals to me (less time for someone to screw up my job) and angers me (why CAN'T I take that whole year like other people can?). And therein lies my dilemma.

Despite what we've been told, we can't have it all. We can't give 100% to our children and 100% to our careers - simple math tells us that. So we compromise. We do the best we can. And I hope at the end of the day that if my son or daughter ever has to be taken to the hospital by my secretary, in time they'll realize what a strong and fabulous role model they have in their mother as I did not too many years ago.

And that's your daily dash. How's your diva doin'?